So I figured I was tired of waiting for about 15 more games or so to do my first official 25% (I thought about using 1/4th, but fractions scare me and I always enjoyed the look of the % sign....like something is on sale) review of the baseball season so far. In no way is this all-encompassing and will be so superficial and non-in-depth that people might actually get upset. Well, too friggin' bad because it's my blog and I can do whatever I want mom!!
So we'll start with the ultra-boring, and don't really care too much about American League.
Apparently the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays (will I get fined for using Devil?....hey, I put it parantheses morons!) are better than the Yankees. And somewhere a nerd is hooking up with a beauty queen. That's just how confounding weird it is to process that thought in my head. It's like seeing a really-hot chick walking around with some a)really fat sweaty guy or b) Mr. I Love Dungeons & Dragons (oh wait, it's not the 80's anymore....what are the nerdy kids into today?....World of Warcraft or something?). You just stare in disbelief. Admittingly I don't think the Rays will stay above the Yankees all season, but wouldn't things just be glorious in the world if that happened? I would like to think so. Elsewhere in the American League East, the Red Sox are in first, the Blue Jays aren't and the Orioles fairy tale story to the beginning of the season is right where everyone knew it would be....at the end of the story with the Orioles living not happily ever after for yet another season.
Over in the American League Central, the Royals (much like the Orioles) started out the season looking pretty good. But, after they realized they are actually the Royals, they obliged the baseball gods by starting to lose again and, if it were not for the surprisingly bad start by the Tigers, would be right where everyone puts them in their preseason predictions...bringing up the rear. I'm sure everyone knows the Tigers are sucking it up and, unless you are a Tigers fan, should bring a smile to your face. They tried to be the Yankees younger brother by buying a championship, and, again like the Yankees, everyone instantly started hating them and rejoicing in their struggles. There are other teams in the American League Central I'm sure, but they are doing decent and that's just boring to talk about.
Onto the American League West my pretties! Hmm...reminder to self...don't try and quote the Wizard of Oz because it makes you seem kinda fruity....check! I get to observe the goings-on of the American League West probably closer than any other division since I'm out here in the greatness that is the Dallas sports scene. And if you know anything about the Dallas sports scene, you should know that the championship winning environment out here is like winning the lottery.....sometimes you get a few of the numbers to get you close to winning, but you never, ever, ever actually win the whole thing. It does seem sad when you hear people talking about the Rangers and how their season is going fairly well because they've won 7 of their last 10 and they are still 2 games under .500. I'm guessing the expectations aren't ever too high for the Rangers. But I guess they can bask in the greatness of not being the Mariners. If you go 3 games and only score once on the pitching staff of the Rangers, you have some serious offense issues.....which are truly offensive. Both the Angels and Oakland seem to have this division to themselves and, since most believe that the A's are overperforming, this division should be taken by the Angels....again....whooo friggin' hooo. Someone really needs to start making the west a bit more competitive again so I don't have to watch the Angels win another division title.....it's just annoying.
Ok folks....onto baseball the way God intended....the National League. The Florida Marlins are tied with the Cubs and the Diamondbacks for the best record in baseball.....yeah, I'll let that one sink for a sec................................................good? ok. You know the really amazing thing about that is??? They probably have more wins than they do total attendance for the year.....the support is just amazing out there.
So the "Best team in the National League because they got Santana" Mets are sitting at 2 games over in the East. I'm sure they are very happy that they have Santana because I bet just about nobody can name the rest of their starting rotation.....and you can't use Pedro because I don't think he's pitched since he left Boston. The Nationals suck.....yeah, that about covers them. The Phillies are in second and without Chase Utley, I would think they would be someone down there hanging out with Braves...or perhaps with the Nats. I bet all those people who took Ryan Howard with their first round pick for their fantasy team have all created voo-doo dolls and have placed a pin in every spare part of it.
So the Cubs are in first place in the Central. The Cards are still trying to pretend they are good, but I don't think anyone with a functioning brain believes they will be anywhere near the top of the division at the end of the year. Much like the Mets, their pitching staff remains mainly anonymous....I might even give you a point if you remember that they have Tim Hudson. Houston is definitely surprising this year. I guess you can out-hit bad pitching....for a little bit anyway. The rest of the division stacks up much like it should be. A few people were predicting the Reds to actually do something this year.....not me of course....I quickly realized they are the Reds and don't deserve to do anything good just because I've always thought their name is boring. I'm such a name snob.
Onto the wonderful National League West. I hate the D'Backs. Ok, so I knew they were going to be good this year, but to start out like that is just selfish and immature. I guess I can forgive them since they are just kids and it looks like they are coming back down to earth a bit. A good time for the Dodgers to pile on some wins and start catching.....huh? what's that? they've lost 4 in a row???? SON OF A.......! Right when Arizona loses 3 in a row to give a lifeline to LA, they decide it would be fun to match them and even do them one better. Ah the joys of being a Dodgers fan. I was thinking of commenting on the rest of the division, but comedy really speaks for itself. I find little more joy in life than seeing the Giants and the Padres at a combined winning percentage of .385....brings joy to my heart. Colorado is an expansion team so we really don't care about them too much.
So, there it is. Chris's ultra-informative review of the baseball season so far. Don't you just find it enjoyable to read the obvious? I know, I know.....I'm too good to you guys